how-to-come-out-for-religious-nuts - 1how-to-come-out-for-religious-nuts - 2how-to-come-out-for-religious-nuts - 3how-to-come-out-for-religious-nuts - 4
Download Home

How to Come Out for Religious Nuts

- by Ragnar Brynjúlfsson © 2009

Tongue in cheek comic about how to come out of the closet for religious people.

Page 1

We open with Ted, a middle aged well dressed man, literally coming out of the closet.

Caption

For the Religious Nut, coming out as gay is not easy. It can take years, but being able to come out with a band is well worth waiting for.

Flashy picture of Ted.

Caption

Look at Ted here. He did it, and so can you!

Ted walking the long road to church.

Caption

First join a religious cult, and learn how it's done.

Ted

(Praying silently)

Dear God, Pleave give me hot men. Amen.

Silhouette of Ted having anal sex with some random guy.

Caption

REMEMBER! As long as nobody finds out, you can have as much gay sex as you like through all of this.

Page 2

Caption

Once you know all the tricks, it's time to start your own religious cult. Steal some members from your old cult.

Ted enthusiastically preaching to the his congregation.

Caption

If you're not, get married now. (Not the gay kind, mind you.)

Wedding photo of Ted and his wife.

Caption

And begin breeding.

Photo of all of Ted's children.

Caption

This helps to hide that you're actually a homo.

Silhouette of Ted kissing some random guy.

Caption

Remember, the most important thing is to have your followers give you money.

Ted smiling with a pile of money and dollar signs in his eyes.

Caption

Money helps to pay for gay prostitues.

Silhouette of our hero about to receive a blow-job.

Caption

Try to get your own radio or TV show.

Ted on his own TV show ranting away.

Page 3

Caption

Get money from your viewers to purchase crystal meth. This enhances your plesure during gay sex.

Ted snorting some white stuff and afterward getting a blow-job.

Caption

Begin lobbying against gays.

Ted holding a sign that says God hates us, and shouting.

Caption

Become friends with influential politicians.

Ted in high class company.

Caption

Now nobody will believe you're gay. If you've done everything right, now is the time to lean back and enjoy the ride.

Ted relaxing in his comfy chair, with a nice drink.

Caption

One of your ex-toy boys will likely get fed up with your hypocrisy, and go to the media.

Gay hustler

(on the phone)

I have a front page story for you.

Page 4

Cover of a newspaper. The headline is 'HUGE SEX SCANDAL'.

caption

It will be HUGE! What better way is there to come out?

 -- THE END --